


Persuasion

by Tonysporks



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Help, M/M, and along with assuming the position!, and also get to hear my crying and complaining, and also probably be my best friend, beta request, bullshit, but like, crap, do not smash your penises, drafting, i dont know why I wrote that, the good kind of crap, warning, you get a free pass of my unconditional love and affection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-26
Updated: 2014-12-26
Packaged: 2018-03-03 17:20:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2858822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tonysporks/pseuds/Tonysporks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A compilation of all the crap that goes into making a single chapter of one of my fanfictions. Why? Because I was re-reading some of my drafting papers on google docs and I've never laughed so hard in my fucking life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Persuasion

**Author's Note:**

> Because no one wants to be my Beta, and honestly, you guys are missing out.

fuck me if i know what happened. fanfiction is ruining my life every second of everyday

okay more brainstorming heres exactly how the rap is gonna break down and by rap i mean the sound of a thousand girls ovaries exploding on the spot                 

tony is bombarded with questions and requests

tony says fuck you i do what i want

tony says ah fuck i dont do what i want, i do what i have to

ouh shit loki

oh shit..loki??/!!

OH SHIT THOR

angry tony is angry

~~oblivious loki is oblivious and cute and all cuddle worthy~~

~~loki is starting to understand, he still can't speak but he can nod and shake his head~~

~~he thinks anything you say is good as long as your smiling and talking in a jovial tone so you could basically call him a poopoodoodoo ugly face and he’d probably clap~~

~~shopping, yasss or nah, we  find that loki really fucking likes greeen. surprise surprise.~~

~~we also find that loki really fucking likes frozen yogurt, and tony, and mostly frozen yogurt~~

~~meanwhile  tony is just like~~

~~~~

~~do i like these finger kisses or nah~~. avenger mocking ensues

thor tries to get loki to bond with him, more failure ensues, and even more laughter.

“NOTIICEEE MEEE L;OOOKII”

(around here loki gets his vision back)

tony somehow gets loki into the bathroom and introduces him to bubble baths and right when he’s about to leave loki whines for tony not to leave and take a bath with him

clints gonna fucking sprain something if he doesn't stop laughing. Natasha already has because loki likes wearing his hair in ponytails

thor cries everyday and tries wearing his hair in a ponytail so that loki will notice him but all loki does is look at him like who sdafug thaty nigga i dun know him

thor makes a highly accurate highly fullproof plan to turn loki back to normal. “huh obviousluy if i smack loki across the head with a frying pan, he’ll get bette!!>>??”

yeah none of that is happening well maybe some. i just got excited about the idea

* * *

 

chapter 1???*/@8@765 im sorry for all this mad extra crap this is just how i release my pheromones so i can calm myself down because i am NoT CALM fuck you loki you cuckig bmpiece of shit stop being so cute shrek is love shrek is life. also i was just like talking to my friend a couple days back about how hot it is and somehow we made a connection and she started saying "oop my dads the sun none of that" i think i was trying to hug her and she was like hell no its too hot, so it was like her dad was watching her. like if i try to touch her it gets even hotter cause thats her dads way of saying fuck no you beat get your hands off my daughter you convoluted fuck. and then OBVIOUSLY  we were like omfg loki is love loki is life loki au where odin is the sun. loki and tony move to Antarctica to be together and bam global warming all the polar bears die cause tony decided he wanted to cop a feel. oh fuck im supposed to be writing the first chapter but but oh yeah there was another one today when i went out to empanada mania to go get lunch with emmy we were talking about like the teen titans or whatever and we were like uGHHH LOKI IS LOVE LOKI IS LIFEEE cause you know starfire has to kiss people to learn their language and just. LOKI AU WHERE LOKI HAS TO KISS SOMEONE TO LEARN THEIR LANGUAGE + TONY YISS. no stop tony no sTOPT ThIs is SERIAL  serious

SO THEN TONYS LIKE ZOOM ZOOM MOTHERFUCKER PAST THESE OBSITCALS SLASH BUILDINGS AND THEN HE STARTS SEEING FLASHES OF GREEN *INSERT FUNNY REMARK SLASH GAY CATCHPHRASE* AND HES LIKEWLEL THATS LOKI. yaddI Yaddi banter, describe loki being a dick, evil twinkle in his eyes, everyones like the gun the gun and tony snaps out of his trance like o shit u rite my fault zap zap bitch and for two seconds he feels kinda bad and he gets this odd feeling that this isnt right and he'like huummm...thor didnt fall down that harshly but he doesnt get to ponder on it much cause everyones like praise teh lord jesus ilysm tony have my uterus not my child just my uterus sign my nuts and tonys just like pshaw it was nothing. fury and his dicks come in and take away their prize and have em put in containment , the avengers tag along for some shit reason ill make up along the way idfk and eventually theyre all like uhm uh tony how long is that shit supposed to last and tony's like HEAVY BREATHING an HOUR, we've been here for three hours wtf tony you dun goofed is he dead idk

*loki twitching*oh thank god my ass wont be sold on the asgardian black market now

"Haha yeah no lokis all kinds of fucked up thors gonna grind your ass to make his bread *snorting*"

CHEWS FINGERSOF COURSE!

* * *

 

there will be an initial conflict and a main conflict. The initial conflict will probably just be Thor being upset about everything and the group will be like nah we don't want that nig here.  And THEN after all that initial crap Loki is going to eventually, most likely, get rekt and get his memory back and go batshit crazy like inuyasha and growling and shit  and then kagome was like 'my kiss of life will bring him back' -kisses his teeth like a pretentious bitch- except they probably won't kiss because that would be so fucking cliche , So yeah Loki is gonna go crazy and everyone's gonna be like oshitoshitoshit fuuuuuu!!!?$@@#  and tony will probably most likely get rekt as well except he's gonna drink his feelings. 

Then pepper comes in and she's all like "you did the right thing" -kisses forehead- and tony smiles against her lips as best as he can  "then why do I feel so wrong."  "Couldn't we have just idk tranqued him? Given him a shot of penicillin or two and see how it went?"

-pepper snorts cocaine - "he's a god, Tony. He's not exactly susceptible."

"Four shots of penicillin?" "TONY."  then they're both like harharhar *snorts* and then the phone vibrates and Tony's like whoever could that be.

Its fury and he's like "get ur ass to shield faggot. You dun goofed this shit up what do I even pay you for."

And Tony's like "but you don't pay me .-. "

"TONY"

and then tony goes on for like 20 minutes whining about how all he wants is just four minutes just four fucking minutes to himself--fuck the god of mischief what about the god of personal time ok? What happened to that god? how come nobody wants to give any loving to the god of personal time?

you know what tony could  do with four minutes? he could make that 3 minute macaroni and cheese, he could make those three minute ramen noodles, he could have a make out session with pepper, he could masturbate, he could paint a picture of a dolphin.

* * *

 

whether tony or pepper likes it or not--end point Tony and Loki are going to be together as in smashing dicks or whatever men do to eachother when they're trying to spice things up in the bedroom. oh my fucking god I just pictured Tony and Loki smashing dicks and I'm gonna fucking die. PS if your looking to spice things up in the bedroom, pls do not smash dicks it is not fun it hurts. Unless you're a masochist .in that case please go on ahead 

  
So like yeah, when that time comes pepper isn't gonna be a bitch she's gonna be super graceful and like "aw Tony, it's okay that u suck dick now--u still my nigga" and Tony is gonna have one tear rolling down his cheek and he gonna be like "ilysm" and peppers gonna be like "no homo" and then tonys gonna be like "AYYYYYY"   
And then peppers gonna be like "AYYYYYYYY"  
and then lokis gonna crash into the window like "AYYYY"  
  
Oh god I'm gonna give myself a fucking aneurysm. oh oh dios mio.

* * *

 

Wow Loki these cookies are really good--like really good.   
  
"Im glad you think so, I put alot of effort into them."  
  
Mm..What are in these by the way?  
  
"Oh you know the usual, cinnamon, sugar, milk, flour, baking soda, vanilla extract, butter...  
...Ecstasy."  
  
....what?  
  
"Ecstasy, a common date rape drug in this realm."  
  
*Tony squints vigourously. stares at loki then back at the cookie.*  
  
...meh. Use protection  
  
"Gotcha."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Loki holds a kitten in his palm, staring at it like its a cryptic mystic creature from another land. This is just one amung the 52 dozen flooding the floor. 

"Why so many felines, Anthony?" 

Why not? 

**silence**

You know what would be really kinky   
 ...  
If we had sex in front of all these innocent kittens who have seen nothing but fluff and cuddles all their lives. 

"Oh, Tony..you are vile."  
...  
...  
...  
"LETS FUCKING DO IT."

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I now realize why no one wants to be my Beta.


End file.
